Teetering on the edge ~ to peace
The mirror revealed a squiggly part down the back of my hair.
I slammed the mirror down on the bathroom counter. Drat! Jerked my hair dryer and round brush out from the cupboard. Fussing with my hair before work took time and energy I didn’t have.
Thank God it’s Friday. I am so d-o-n-e, I thought as I smoothed out the squiggle.
The week had been hellish. I was depleted…used up. Nothing more to give. The least little problem or interruption—my hair, of all things—sent me over the edge.
God, right now would be the perfect time to infuse me with fresh faith, hope and love—plus energy, I shot heavenward as I hurried out to the car. Coffee, journal, and Bible in hand, I determined to have a quiet time in a pull out on the way to work.
Ignition off and my mind quiet, the burden I carried poured out its contents:
A 60-ish woman called my work phone seeking help. She housed her 42-year-old schizophrenic son. Administered his daily hemodialysis. Recently, the court sent her nine-year-old grandson to live with them. The boy was happy and loving one minute but troubled and hostile the next. Her husband died a year ago. Fear and stress threatened her grip on sanity. “I must hang on. Can you find me a counselor?”
Strange numbness in my hairdresser’s hands sent her to the doctor. He ordered a neurological test for ALS. Her father died of Lou Gehrig’s disease at 54. She is waiting to hear the results.
No, God—she’s a treasure to me. P-l-e-a-s-e don’t let it be ALS.
The boss I’ve learned to love asked me if I had five minutes for her to share something personal. Sure. “They’ve found something on my lung. I’m scheduled for a CAT scan.”
No, no, no, NO!
My own worries and responsibilities seemed small, yet added to the dark cloud.
God, I’m mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausted. Here I am. How can I be renewed?
I opened my Bible to a famous scripture on burdens and rest:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. “ Matt.11:28,29 (NIV)
I’m doing that, Jesus. I’m coming to you. I want to find your rest more than anything. But I don’t know how. How do I put on your yoke?
My eyes scanned additional verses before and after, all words of Jesus. Then,
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matt.10:29-31 (NIV)
Whoosh. My burden floated away, replaced by shining truths:
– God saw me and all these women. He knew us intimately—even the number of hairs on our heads.
– I could trust Him with each one of us.
– My role? Not to manage or try to rescue—that’s God’s place. But He will use me in small ways to be His instrument of help and blessing.
– Whatever He gives me to do is enough. I can rest in that knowledge.
I sensed God giving me a bottom line:
“This life here isn’t it, Gloria. You are all on a journey home to me. Trust me—I will see each of you safely home.”
I drove on to work.